Woman disturbed by neighbor’s loud music decides to write him a kind letter

Woman disturbed by neighbor’s loud music decides to write him a kind letter

What do you do when a neighbor continues to play their techno beats at an extremely high volume every single night, sometimes even until the wee small hours of the morning? Should we knock on their door and confront them? Or call the police? Well, when one woman from New Jersey was fed up with her neighbor’s non-stop nightly noise and parties – she decided to instead of complaining to her neighbor with anger, approach him with kindness… and a cake.

Fed up

On December 15, 2018, a 37-year-old writer from New Jersey, Candice Benbow, was sitting in her apartment while her neighbor blasted his playlist from his speakers. Unfortunately, she was used to the constant noise, and her neighbor was known for playing songs at the highest volume possible until three or four in the morning.

Fed up

Although Candice was exhausted from sleepless nights and had headaches due to the loud music – she remained patient and polite, and didn’t want to make a fuss out of it. However, one night, when she decided that she couldn’t take it anymore, Candice got an idea of how she could take care of the problem.

A different approach

Despite her frustration with her neighbor’s noise at night, Candice decided that she didn’t want to do what most neighbors would do – bang on the wall, call the police, or even go next door and scream at him. She was afraid confronting him would only start a fight and make things worse.

A different approach

Plus, she just wasn’t that kind of a person to get into a feud with a complete stranger. So, she thought, maybe instead of approaching her neighbor with anger, she could try to tackle the issue with kindness.

The letter

So one day, after being up all night, Candice decided to write him a letter. She started off the letter writing, “Hea! I hope you’re well. We haven’t formally met and I hate we’re doing so under these circumstances.”

The letter

Then, she got to the point. “When you come home every evening and blast music, I’ve come to expect it,” she wrote. “Sometimes, it’s a song I hadn’t heard in a while and I appreciate the throwback”. She added, “To be fair, you’ve helped me catch a vibe.”

Too far

Candice then went on to say she wasn’t sure if he was “hosting the official afterparty for our building’s holiday social or singlehandedly determining this generation’s R&B king.”

Too far

She then used a bit of humor, to try to lighten an uncomfortable situation. She wrote, “At 3:26, I couldn’t tell if you were playing some uptempo hits from The Weeknd or you pushed shuffle on some house/techno. Either way, I could have done without that part of the set.”

Can’t sleep

At this point in the letter, Candice confessed that instead of trying to sleep – which she was unable to do – she found it “much more advantageous to reflect” on his “musical tastes” as well as “eat potato chips.” She wrote, “You really love a piano solo and some soulful drums.”

Can’t sleep

Candice then hilariously wrote about the “dreams” she should have been having about “Michael B. Jordan” instead of being up “singing Maxwell’s ‘Ascension’ simply because you want to be the second floor’s DJ.”

Baking a cake

She continued, “In the future, as you’re hosting your kickbacks and come throughs, please remember the rest of us.” Then, the 37-year-old explained that she wanted to give him a “peace offering” aka a pound cake that she baked herself at 3:30 in the morning just for him.

Baking a cake

She said, “When I decided to bake it for you, I realized I was taking your feelings into much more consideration than you were taking mine.” She wrote with optimism, “I hope that changes – especially since I’m only three months into a 13-month lease.”

Sharing her story

That same day, Candice decided to share the letter she had written with her followers on Twitter. She snapped a picture of the piece of paper and wrote, “I wanted the best way to tell my neighbor that he tried it with his late night party. So I wrote him a letter and baked him a cake.”

Sharing her story

In just hours, her post blew up eventually getting over 178,000 likes and 41,000 retweets. Then, Candice wrote an follow-up tweet.

Update

In the update directed to her followers on Twitter, Candice wrote that “thankfully, there is no update.” She explained, “I knocked on his door but he didn’t answer.”

Update

Disappointed that she didn’t get to give him the cake in person, she was pleased to see that the cake and letter were not in front of his door moments later when she checked. She only hoped that he read the letter and enjoyed the pound cake.

Other ways

Although Candice received thousands of comments from people praising her for her act of kindness during a difficult situation – not everyone was a fan of how the 37-year-old had gone about the situation.

Other ways

Some people questioned why she didn’t just go over to his house and confront him and ask him to turn down the music. To this she explained, “I live alone. I didn’t know who/what I could’ve met going by myself. And it was 3AM!”

Lower-volume

Some commenters even called out Candice for doing way too much just to get her neighbor to stop playing music, calling her “extra.” To this, Candice replied, “Folks are calling what I did extra. It was extra.”

Lower-volume

She added, “Throwing a house party at 3am is extra, too.” However, the question everyone wanted to find out was – did it work? The day after she shared the letter, Candice happily updated, “His music tonight is the lowest it has ever been!” She used the hashtag, #PrayerAndPoundCakeWork.

Finally meeting

Finally, on December 18, just three days after giving her neighbor the letter and pound cake, she met her neighbor – Tommy Amaro. She wrote, “UPDATE: I just met my neighbor Tommy!” She said, “He apologized for the noise, promised to invite me to the next party and more importantly… he said my pound cake was amazing!”

Finally meeting

Candice even snapped a selfie with Tommy in order to capture the moment – could this be the beginning of a nice friendship and not to mention… no more blasting music?

Making sense

A few minutes later, the 37-year-old revealed to her followers that she had learned a little bit of new information about her “cool” neighbor. She said that Tommy is actually a music video producer, which likely explains why he is always listening to music. She wrote, “Everything makes sense now.”

Making sense

However, there was more going on in Tommy’s life that Candice was about to discover, and make her change the way she originally thought about him.

Tragic past

Candice tweeted about her recent conversation with her neighbor. She said, “While talking to Tommy, I learned that he’s new to the area as well and this is his first Christmas without his daughter.” Tommy’s daughter had tragically passed away earlier in the year due to a car accident.

Tragic past

Candice, who also lost someone close to her a few years back, her mother, could relate to Tommy’s pain and grief. She knew that she had done the right thing by handling the noise situation with kindness instead of anger.

Public attention

Not before long, the two new friends were appearing together in magazines, newspapers, and websites around the country. They were even asked to do an interview for Inside Edition.

Public attention

During the interview, Tommy explained how special Candice’s reaction to his loud music was. He said, “It was just beautiful because if it was another neighbor, they would’ve tried to call the cops on me, try to knock me out, and this was like, it was cool.”

Sweet reminder

Thousands of followers praised the 37-year-old for the way she handled what could have been an otherwise dramatic and uncomfortable situation. And many, including Candice herself, expressed how the story between the two new buddies could be turned into a plot for a Hallmark movie.

Sweet reminder

Today, Candice hopes that her and Tommy’s friendship can serve as a “sweet and gentle reminder that we never know what folks are going through and it is always best to lead with kindness.” She added, “When we can extend grace, we really should.”

‘Judge not…’

A famous biblical verse from the Gospel of Matthew contends, “Judge not, let ye be judged.” Candice and Tommy’s story is perhaps the perfect example of putting that idea into practice in modern life.

‘Judge not…’

Despite the fact we now live in apartment buildings in such close proximity to one another, we often know virtually nothing about our neighbors. It would’ve been so easy for Candice to get mad or call the cops. Instead, she decided not to judge her neighbor – and realized in retrospect she was right in doing so.

Bridging the gap between them

Candice was very much aware of why she decided to take the high road. Such a simple matter could easily “blow up,” she explained, and become something that “sparks war for the next 15 years.” She made a conscious choice not to go that route.

Bridging the gap between them

What was it that motivated her? “Just goodness,” she said, before adding that it was also a bit of “good old-fashioned conflict resolution.” And it was when she did that, that she discovered that despite their vastly different backgrounds, they’d gone through the same things.

Winged reminders

In fact, it turned out that Candice had found out about Tommy’s loss – and was able to tell him about her own – thanks to a couple of doves. When she first walked into Tommy’s apartment, Candice noticed the birds.

Winged reminders

Asking him about it, he said they were left over from his daughter’s funeral. When the family tried releasing them, they simply wouldn’t fly away. Seeing it as a sign, he kept them. These birds provided them the opportunity to open up about their grief, and work through it.

Baking with – and for – love

Working through her grief, for Candice, was very much interconnected with the peace offering that she’d brought Tommy. She chose to bake him a cake, but she wasn’t always such a fan of baking.

Baking with – and for – love

In actuality, her love for it was a byproduct of the process of grieving for her mom. It had become a sort of therapy for her, and she used it to move through the loss of her mother. It was only apt, then, that baking would also be used to move through her problems with Tommy.

Good fences no longer making good neighbors

In the past, it was often said that good fences make good neighbors, meaning a bit of distance is a good formula for keeping things nice and civil with your neighbors. Today, those fences are gone, and neighborly disputes are more common – and extreme – than ever before.

Good fences no longer making good neighbors

Candice chose what some might view as the path of least resistance, in not confronting Tommy. In the end, however, her approach broke down the invisible barrier between them, to both of their benefits. Turns out we don’t really need fences after all.

The true meaning of Christmas?

The entire sequence of events took place in mid-December, and became public around Christmas Eve. The timing is quite appropriate. Tommy was about to celebrate his first Christmas without his daughter, and was probably hurting.

The true meaning of Christmas?

She, in turn, was hurting – in a different way – because of his music. Candice, who’s not only a writer but also a theologian, made a gesture that made life a little better for them both. We can’t help but feel that “love thy neighbor” is pretty closer to the true meaning of Christmas.

The one exception

So, remember how we said that good fences don’t always make good neighbors? It turns out that sometimes fences aren’t enough. In Canada’s New Brunswick province, two couples who lived next to one another were locked in a bitter feud.

The one exception

It wasn’t even clear how it started, but much like the Hatfields and the McCoys, it no longer mattered. Eventually, and despite the fence separating their properties, one of the couples decided on a unique form of revenge – they piled a heap of manure near the very fence between them.

Visible from Google Earth

The Gallants, the victims of this revenge ploy, would be woken up as early as 4am to the sound of beeping trucks as they unloaded more and more of the stuff. Eventually, that pile of manure was so high that it was visible on satellite imaging service Google Earth!

Visible from Google Earth

After also having their car keyed, and pebbles thrown at them, the Gallants sued. Needless to say, they won, getting $15,000 in damages, although we imagine no amount of money would erase that smell from their memories.
Disclaimer: Some photos may be stock images used for illustration purposes only. The people or places in these photos are not to be associated with the article.

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